i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
