I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
