He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
