just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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