she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
