apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
