i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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