i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
pop tarts are not kleenex
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
