and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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