i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
