I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
