I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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