Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
