So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
