I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
