I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
