I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
