naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
