new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
no. you can't hotbox the world.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
