I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
