If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So many bounce houses so little time
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
