I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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