soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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