I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
