Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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