why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
