my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
