I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
