there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
