Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
