Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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