You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
