When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
