i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
