Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
