In the future we'll all be gay
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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