These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize