The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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