The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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