worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
