Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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