I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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