i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize