Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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