I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
