I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
