Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize