Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
