You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
