She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Damn victory sex feels great
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
