i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
