shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
