you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
