no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
