I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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