I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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