So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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