omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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