I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
