Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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