i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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