I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize