you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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