I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
