Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Success! We fucked roommates!
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