M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
